Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Chapter Nine


“It all began about a year ago,” said Wella in a shaky voice. “ I grew up in a small farming village on the drier side of Bertha. We lived a simple life, but it was a good one. The people of my village grew cotton, tobacco and our own food. We weren't rich, but we made do. In the spring the village elders decided to open a few of the outer fields, that hadn't been tended since my great-grandfather's time. It was hard work. The fields were over grown and the dirt was hard and tangled with roots and rocks. It took us weeks to clear it all.
“It was Fedward, Ryle's father, who found it. He was always good at finding beautiful and shiny things. He always claimed it came with being a ferret.”
Wella pulled a green orb the size of her palm out of her dress pocket.
“He gave this to me as an engagement present. It almost broke the plow when they hit it, he said. That was the night Ryle was conceived. We noticed afterwards that this strange stone began to glow. We took it as a sign that the universe had blessed our union. We were so stupid, and so in love.
They came a few days later, the Dance Lords. The were led by a gorilla and his dolphin lieutenant. They claimed they were just doing routine farm inspections. We all should have suspected something was wrong. High ranking Lords don't do inspections. And they were asking so many questions about if we'd found anything strange or seen anything out of the ordinary. Of course Fedward and I denied it. The stone was our secret. How could we have know what was to come?
Fedward and I were in the woods behind the village, picking berries when we started to smell smoke. As we looked toward the village we could see flames. Fedward told me to hide and stay puut while he went to see what was happening. I waited, I waited so long. It was night before I had the courage to go back to the village. The smoke was so thick it choked me. They had razed the entire village, every house, every store, even the inn. It was all burnt to the ground and still smoking.
At first I couldn't see anything but the destruction. Slowly though I started to make things out, I wish I hadn't. I could see shapes in the coals, they were bones. The charred remains of everyone I had ever known. Next to one of the fires; no funeral pyres, I saw the singed edges of a green bow, just like the one my little sister used to wear behind her ears. She was only nine years old, and she was dead, they were all dead.
After what seemed like hours I stumbled into the outer edges of the village square. They were standing there, the two Dance Lords, with Feward kneeling in front of them. I was lucky I suppose, they had their backs to me. Fedward saw me though. He looked so scared, so trapped.
The gorilla picked him up by the neck, “Tell us were it is,” he screamed, “the relic! We can feel it! Where is it?”
“I don't know,” Fedward managed to gasp.
The gorilla gutted him and threw him to the ground like so much trash. I was close enough that even through the smoke I could see him mouth his last words, “Wella, I love you...Wella.” I saw the light fade from his eyes.
The gorilla turned to his dolphin companion, “Do we have a Wella accounted for?”
I ran then, I don't know how I ran for, it seemed like days. I ran until I collapsed.
When I awoke it was early morning. I had no idea where I was, I just picked a direction and walked. Eventually my traveling brought me into the wharf district. There I was just another lost soul begging for a meal. I was there for several months. I didn't know what to do, everything I ever knew was gone, everyone dead. I still had the stone though. I know I should have gotten rid of it, but it was the only thing I had left of Fedward, of any of them. He had died to keep it a secret. Stupid boy, we didn't know it was so important.
I snuck onto your ship because I saw them, the gorilla and the dolphin. I panicked and knew I had to get off Bertha. I had to save my son and I had to keep this stone safe, they represent everything I love and I will die before I give either to the people who took everything from me.”
Wella collapsed in tears as the green stones pulsing glow became a blaze.

“How is she doing,” asked Wembly.
“Sleeping,” answered Bogart, “Wuffy is watching Ryle.”
“And the rest of the crew?”
“Getting well and properly drunk. I may have let it slip were a few of the kegs were hiding,” Bogart laughed, “they've earned it.”
They both fell silent and stared at the glowing orb. It had faded back to a glow once Wella had returned to her quarters. Wembly picked it up.
“What do you think it is?”
“ I have no idea, Captain.”
“I suppose we are going to have to find out.”
“I suppose we are.”
“We're in the right place for it. If any one knows anything about the ancients its the residence of Styx.”
“Unfortunately, you're right.”
“ The only problem is getting onto Styx.”
“And how do you propose to do that?”
“By creating a very large ruckus,” Wembly smiled mischievously.
“Oh, your not going too...”
“Oh yes, I am,” he laughed, “It's been years since we've taken 'er out.”
Bogart shook his head, this game never ended well.
“Oh, don't look like that, this will be fun.”



Chapter Eight



Wella paced back and forth in her quarters while carrying Ryle on one hip. She had the green orb that had started this whole mess sitting on the bed. Her thoughts were racing and she didn't know what to do. Surely all of the kindness Captain Wembly had shown her would vanish the moment he discovered why the Empire was seeking her. Above her, she heard the quite hum of the engines as they came online and the quick whistle of the force fields as they snapped into place. This was followed by a quick jolt that signaled that they were no longer planet bound. All Wella could do was hold Ryle and cry, “I'm so sorry,” she whispered to him, “I love you so much and I'm so sorry.”
Behind her the orb started to pulse slowly.

Wembly sat at the helm and navigated as quickly as possible out of Dijo space. If the Empire was hunting for Wella, then he had to find some place safe for his ship and crew until he could figure out what to do with her. For that he needed a place that the Empire wouldn't go. There was only one place like that on this side of the universe...

Bogart sat on the deck and watched the stars blink out as the Wingnut went into hyperdrive. Whatever had happened at port today had scared the captain. In all the years that Bogart had worked with the man he had only seen him scared a handful of times, and each time it had to do with the Empire. He felt a slight jerk as the dirigible reentered true space. The stars didn’t come back into view however. Whatever had happened, had driven them to this place. The Canis Major system was the only place in the universe that you couldn't see stars. If safety resided on Styx he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going on. Then he chuckled, who was he kidding, he loved adventure.

Wuffy knocked on Wella's door. As she entered she saw Wella crying and holding Ryle.
“The captain wants you up on deck,” Wuffy said gently.
“On deck,” Wella said, eyes wide, “why up there?”
“He feels the whole crew deserves an explanation, he won't cast judgement on you until everyone has a say.”
Wella sighed and handed Ryle to Wuffy, “Please take care of him, whatever happens now.”
She walked out and it looked as if she walked towards her death.

Chapter Seven

The sterring season was over and the Wingnut was on anchor at the vacation planet of Dijo. The blue water world was full of white sand beaches, over priced shopping and scantily clad women.
(What is up with you and scantily clad women?)
I tend to write in my underwear.
(To much information.)
The men were blowing their money on chasing women, while Wuffy, Wella and Wella's son Wyle were busy shopping.
Wembly was lounging on the deck of the Wingnut, enjoying the warmth of Dijo's orange star. The sterring season had gone well and he had his ship all to himself for several more hours. Peace at last!
(You have writer's block don't you.)
No one would no that my shitty writing was anymore then shitty writing if you would keep your mouth shut.
(Well, there isn't much chance of that happening.)


Wuffy and Wella walked down a promenade. Wella's son Wyle slept in a stroller that had appeared in their quarters a few days after Wyle had first poked his head out of Wella's pouch. At first Wyle had caused a few raised a few eyebrows. It was immediately clear that he wasn't all wombat. He had a banded mask around his eyes and long tail, he was also slightly longer and skinnier then most wombats. Wyle also had an inexplicable ball of curly hair on the very top of his head. All Wella had to say about it was, “You look so much like your daddy.” It didn't take the crew long before they were making baby noises at the child whenever they had a break from their duties.
Wuffy was also great fun to shop with. Before they had left the dirigible, Captian Wembly had slipped a few coins into her hand and told her to buy something for herself, and hinted that the upcoming Rigel crab season would be a bit chilly and perhaps the skirt that she was wearing from the farm wouldn't really cut it. In the addition to the money she had made working as Wuffy's assistant in the kitchen, she currently had more silver then she'd ever seen.
(Oh, come on things are supposed to be happening in this chapter.)
Wella told Wuffy what Wembly had told her. Wuffy had drug her into a shop that Wella could hardly believe exsisted. In addition to getting all of the cold weather gear Wembly had hinted about, she had also come away with a larger wardrobe then her entire family had had. She felt a twinge of guilt about that. She was discovering the universe, while everyone she'd ever known lay dead. 'No,' she said to herself, ' I won't think abou that. My life is for my son now.”
(You do drama poorly.)


Wembly woke up from his sunny snooze when a shadow blocked his sunlight. Opening his eyes he saw a gorilla and a dolphin in front of him.
(How is a dolphin in front of him?)
It's supposed to be sci-fi. Anti-grav nodes that lets
him float in the air?
(Well are you going to explain that?
Wembly did a slight double take with the dolphin before he noticed the anti-grav nodes on his water suit. He also noticed the Dance Lord badges they wore. 'Great,' he thought, 'Feds.'
Getting to his feet Wembly inquired, “What can I help you with?”
“We understand that your last port of call was Bertha,” said the gorilla.
“Yes.”
“Have you seen this wombat?” The gorilla handed Wembly a photo of a young and terrified looking Wella.
“I can't say that I have,” responded the captian, “can I ask why your looking for her?”
“She's a terrorist,” squeaked the dolphin, “she stole a piece of Ancients technology and killed her entire village to keep it hidden. She is considered armed and dangerous.”
“Ancients,” Wembly raised an eyebrow, “surely they are nothing but an old wives tale.”
The gorilla glared at the dolphin, “Please excuse Lieutenant Darrel, he can be rather fanciful. The piece of technology she stole is very old and very dangerous. The Empire is offering a large reward for any info you may have that will lead us to her. Here is our card, please contact us if you hear of anything.”
“Of course sirs.”
Wembly watched the pair move down the gangplanks. So his young stowaway was a wanted women. While he wasn't about to turn her over to the Dance Lords and the Empire, she would be answering his questions. Space had it's own kind of justice, if he didn't like what he heard.

Wella saw them as she and Wuffy returned to the boat. She remembered their faces before she could see them clearly. It was all she could do to keep walking toward the dirigible.
“Ladies,” said the dolphin as they walked past.
Wella's breathe caught in her throat. Could it be they didn't recognize her? She had never been so relieved about new cloths in her life. They would be looking for a poor girl in rags, not the lady that she looked like right now.
As Wella boarded the Wingnut, Wembly grabbed her arm.
“Go to your quarters and stay there,” he said gruffly, “we will be disembarking as soon as the rest of the crew returns. I'll speak with you as soon as we are safely back in space.” When he let go of her arm she all but ran to her quarters with Ryle.
Wuffy opened her mouth.
“You go with her,” Wembly said before she could say anything in a tone that suggested even a hint of insubordination would not be tolerated.
“Yes sir,” said Wuffy and meekly followed Wella below deck.


Darrel looked back at the beautiful young lady that was pushing a baby carriage up the ramp of the Wingnut. “Nah,” he thought, “it couldn't be...”

Monday, September 24, 2012

Chapter Six



Bogart laughed again, he had worked for Wembly for the last decade and had seen this kind of drama play out many times before. Although Wembly would never admit it to being to being anything but a hard man, the truth of the matter was that he was a big softy and everyone who worked on the Wingnut started off as a stray. Bogart himself had started off that way. Both of his parents had been killed in the Galactic civil war.
Bogart had first met Wembly when he was 14. He was an undersized, malnourished street urchin, begging on the streets of the capital planet, Gantor. The captain, dressed in his favorite red jacket, had tossed the starving youngster a silver coin. Bogart had been shocked, he had never seen that much money in his life. He could eat a decent meal for a month with that kind of coin.
Bogart's good fortune had not gone unnoticed by the other starving street urchins. By the time Wembly wandered back their way several hours later, some of the elder kids had concocted a plan to relieve the man in the red coat, of the rest of his coin.
Bogart had intended to stay out of it. He wasn't about to rob a man that had just shown him that much kindness, but at the same time, turning against his street family meant certain death. Imagine his surprise when he found himself back to back with the wombat, facing off against ten of his friends.
It turned out to be a fair fight. Even though Bogart was half starved, a badger was still a badger and the strange wombat could hold his own. Once the last of the would be thieves had scattered, Wembly had started to walk away. He made it about a dozen steps before he noticed that Bogart wasn't following him.
Turing around he looked at Bogart, “Well come on kid, I've got a job for you and you can't go space fishing in those cloths.”
Bogart smiled at the memory, he'd tried to thank Wembly a number of times over the years for saving his life. The man wouldn't hear of it, all he would say was that he was in need of a strong deckhand and Bogart fit the bill. It was nonsense, there were always experienced spacemen hanging around the wharfs. They never made it aboard the Wingnut though, just strays and lost souls.
The new girl startled him out of his memories as she refilled his cup.
“Welcome aboard the Wingnut, young lady. Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew.”


When the crew returned to the deck after breakfast, Wella sat down on one of the long wooden benches and put her face in her hands. She could barely believe the events of the last twelve hours. When she had been caught she was sure things were going to be over for her. Even on the best of ships, the best she could have hoped for was the brig, and at worst she would have been thrown overboard and left to die in the empty expanse of space. Instead, the impossible had happened. She was given a job and a place to live. She was given the opportunity to start her life over. She couldn't believe her luck.
The night before, Wuffy had asked her what had brought her to the Wingnut. Well, between sobs, had managed to squeak out, “Dance Lords.”
“Oh, you poor dear,” Wuffy responded as she bundled her up and put her to sleep on a cot behind the kitchen.
When she woke up the next morning, Wuffy handed her plates of steaming food and told her to hand it out to the crew, and gave her a large plate of her own. Wella's heart had skipped a beat when the captain had walked in, but continued on with her meal as Wuffy sat down to talk to him. Several minutes later Wuffy came back and said, “Welcome to the Wingnut. You will be my assistant for as long as you choose to stay. And don't worry, you don't have to tell us anything until you are ready too.”
Touching the green orb that was hidden in her pocket she thought, 'It will be a long while before anyone hears all of it.'

Friday, September 14, 2012

Chapter Five

    Wembly eyed the scared young women across the table from him.  Her hands shook as she clutched the cup of tea in front of her.  So far all he had gotten out of her was her name.  Wella was not what he had expected when he realized there was a stowaway onboard.
   "So," Wembly said, "what are you doing on my dirigible?"
   Wella looked up at him with big green eyes, that were quickly becoming watery.  She started sobbing, not a polite sob either.  It was one of the full body, snot running down your face kind of sobs.
    Wembly, despite the fact he was not happy about her being on the Wingnut, handed her a napkin and hesitantly patted her on the shoulder.  This only caused her to cry even harder.  Wembly sat back and looked at the girl like she had just grown two heads.  he was uncomfortable around women at the best of times.  Once the water works started he was completely lost.
    Wembly heard and indignant huff behind him, "What the hell is going on in here?"
   Wuffy had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.  She slowly looked between Wembly and Wella.  Her eyes finally settled on Wembly.  It was all he could do not not to giggle like a school girl.  That women made him nervous.
    "What the hell is wrong with you," erupted Wuffy, " can't you see this poor girl is beside herself?  And you just sit there staring at her!  You have no manners, you bumbling oaf!.  The poor dear is pregnant and half starved!  You should be ashamed of yourself!"
    Wembly hadn't realized that he had been moving until the door slammed in his face.  Looking around him he realized that he was standing on the stairs leading up to the bridge.  He was very confused as to how this happened.  Walking up the stairs to the bridge he muttered to himself about this being his ship and that he was in charge and that he would be putting Wuffy in her place and that he would deal with the stowaway in anyway he saw fit...tomorrow.  Tomorrow would work just fine.


By the time Wembly sauntered down to the kitchen to get his morning coffee, he had managed to convince himself that it was his idea to leave Wella in the care of Wuffy.  he wasn't about to admit to himself, or anyone else, that he'd been chased out of his own kitchen by a crying teenager and a women who barely reached his chin.
    As Wembly sat down on one of the benches he noticed that Wella had an old apron on and was busy handing out steaming plates of food to his crew.  Bogart sat down next to him, "I like the new kitchen help.  Were'd ya get her?"
    Wembly gave his first mate a dismissive shrug.
    "Aye then," laughed Bogart, "I don't need to know."
   At that moment Wuffy walked in with a large bowl of porridge.   She was whistling a merry tune and sat down right across from Wembly.  She smiled at him.  Wembly's stomach did a few flip-flops.  He did his best to smile back, but he was fairly certain he looked like he just swollowed sterring raw.
    "Sir," Wuffy said sweetly, "I believe you met my new kitchen help, Wella, last night.  She will be with us for as long as she wants and will be receiving an appropriate share of pay after every delivery as does everyone who works on the Wingnut."
    Wembly just continued looking at Wuffy as if this conversation was perfectly normal.
    "Furthermore," Wuffy continued in her sweetest voice, "no one on this ship will harass her or ask her questions about her past.  Unless of course they wish to talk to me about it."
    Wembly just kept staring, his smile becoming slightly more strained.
   "Lastly, when we are next at port, you will be purchasing and installing a space crib in the cooks quarters that is appropriate for a young joey.  Is that clear sir?"
    "Surely," Wembly began in protest, "a fishing dirigible isn't an appropriate place for a young mother and her infant.  Perhaps we could return the young woman to her family..."
    "You either accept the conditions or so help me god," Wuffy threatened, "you can find yourself a new cook."
    Wembly sighed, the only thing he disliked more then small children was looking for new help.  And Wuffy made really good souffles.  The look in Wuffy's eye told him she knew she had won this argument before it had even began.
    "Fine,"  Wembly said, "but if that girl or her soon to be child cause any disruptions aboard this vessel all three of you are gone!"
   "Whatever you say, sir"  replied  Wuffy in a manner that suggested it would take a small army to remove either her or the girl from the Wingnut.
   Bogart snorted into his coffee again.  This seemed to be permission for the rest of his crew to laugh.  And laugh they did.  Wembly slowly, and hopefully in a dignified manner, got out of his seat and returned to the bridge.
    It was only as Wembly sat back down at the helm, that he realized he had gotten neither coffee, nor breakfast.  Wembly shook his head in disgust.  He now had two woman and soon to be a baby onboard of his dirigible.  What had he done to deserve this?
  

Friday, September 7, 2012

Chapter 4

(Wella crawled back into her hiding spot)
Hey, no point of view changes!
(Say's who?)
Say's me!
(Bitch, I do what I want.)
I don't think so.
(You do it your way, I'll do it my way.)
But...

(Wella crawled back into her hiding spot in the far corner of the cargo hold.  It was getting harder
 Wembly ate his sandwich slowly, pondering how best to catch the stew-eating stowaway that was
everyday to fit through the small crevices between crates.  Her belly was getting bigger evertime she
 hiding somewhere on his dirigble.  It would do no good to inform his crew about it, he didn't feel
 looked down.  Anyday now the small, pink and blind joey that had crawled into her pouch about six
 like dealing with a lynch mob.  The lot of them would be more likely to light the entire vessel on fire
months earlier would be ready to take its first steps in this world.  Wella hoped to be back on a planet
 then actually find anything.  The captain figured the theif must be hiding somewhere in the cargo
before that happened.  She hadn't been thinking clearly when she snuck aboard the Wingnut, she just
 hold.  There were only three doors leading into the kitchen.  One led to the bridge, another led to the
knew she had to get off Bertha before the baby was due.
 crew quarters.  'If one of those idiots brought his girlfriend onboard, he's getting keelhauled, one 
Wella was a young wombat, just barely sixteen.  She was pretty in a nondescript sort of way, she
 woman on this ship was more then enough.'  Wemby cringed a little at the idea, it had been a few
could be anyone really.  As it was right now she was just another stupid teenager who had thought she
 years since the Wingnut had been in dry dock, the organic metal cylonicles would probably be a few inches think by now.
was in love and accidentally got knocked up.  Her boyfriend was...no she wasn't going to think about
    It seemed unlikely that his crew would do something that foolish.  That left only one option, the
that right now.  Right now all she was going to think about was survival.
 hold.  It would be easy enough to set-up a trap.  It's not like the Wingnut didn't have any extra line
   Survival made her desperate. She had almost made a horrible mistake today and been caught by the
 laying around.
cook.  The lithe blonde had left the kitchen for a few moments.  Wella had only meant to grab a few
     Several hours later, after his crew had finished hauling gear and went to sleep for the night,
mouthfuls of stew, but it had been so good that she had eaten nearly half of it before she had heard
 Wembly sat at one of the old wooden tables in the back of the kitchen.  He had all of the lights off so
footsteps coming down the hall.  She barely managed to hide behind several large bags of flour when
 the stowaway didn't know they had been caught.  Now all that was left to do was wait.
the cook came back in the kitchen.
Try as he might, the lull of the space waves rocked him to sleep.

    The cook had taken one look at the stew and started muttering to herself about the ungrateful
    Are you still going on?  Dear lord, what could you possibly have to be talking about.  You just
ingrates she had to work with.  The only thing that had saved Wella was the captain calling down for
 keep ranting.  This is why my point of view is so much better, the man in already napping.............
another sandwich.   This seemed to upset the cook about, and she began throwing things around the
 ........and napping......................and still napping...................wow napping is boring when you keep
kitchen while talking about how someday she would run this ship and the moron upstairs could stay
 going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...........................................
in the kitchen in make her sammiches.


   Wella was on the verge of tears when the cook finally headed up to the bridge with the captains
   Why is this chick crying?  I mean, she snuck onto a fishing boat, found a way to feed herself.  She
lunch.  She had just barely made it back to the hold before she started sobbing.
 clearly has a little bit of backbone on her, but no you have to make a big deal about who pathetic and
  Now, sitting in her little cubby hole, Wellas stomach started growling again.  'Hush,' she told it.  She
 helpless she is.  Not to mention, how is she hungry already?  She just ate half a stew!  I admit,
couldn't risk leaving her safe haven again until dark.  'I might as well take a nap myself,' she though,
 I have no idea how many people are actually on the Wingnut, but enough that if I ate that much I
'anything is better then thinking about...'
 wouldn't eat again for a week.

 Wella woke up with a start sometime later.  Her leg had cramped us while she was sleeping.  As she
 Oh lets see, do we match up here again?  No, not yet?  What the hell is so important about leg
kneaded it out she listen to the quiet creaking of the dirigible as it floated peacefully on space waves. 
 cramps?  The girl isn't a midget is she?  I don't think she has the wits to deal with that kind of
When the pain receded she crawled out of her hiding space.  The whole ship was quiet.
 disability.  Oh good I see were almost done here...

 The young wombat made her way up the stairs toward the kitchen, and hopefully some food and
 Wembly awoke with a start sometime later when he heard a small crash and a squeak.  He quickly
water.  As she reached the top step her entire world turned upside down, there was a flash of light and
 flipped on the lights and looked at the young lady who was now hanging upside down for the roof
she found herself looking directly into the face of a rather stern, but handsome wombat.
 of the kitchen.
  Raising a single eyebrow he said, "And what do we have here."
  Raising a single eyebrow he asked, "And what do we have here?"
  

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Interlude-Warring Narriators

Oh that's better is it?  You write like you're five.
(Hey, at least there is something more substancial then a bunch of shit references and bad puns.)
You have a bitch in the kitchen making sandwiches.  I might make transparent references, but at least I'm not a sexist twat.
(Oh, the womanity!)

Chapter 3

    ( Wembly stood at the helm of his dirigible, clutching a cup of coffee in one hand, while a half smoked cigarette hung out the side of his mouth.  Every few minutes he yelled down instructions to his crew, who were rushing around hauling in sterring nets.  It's not that he needed to tell his crew anything, they were already preforming quite well, Wembly just like to remind them who was in charge of the Wingnut.
      All things considered Wembly was quite happy with how this trip was going.  They had made excellent time to First Star, which in fact was no longer a star, but rather a large black hole sitting at the center of the 'Til Morning galaxy.  Sterring spawned here every year because all of the structure that go embbeded around the edges of the black hole.  It made fishing in the area high adrenaline work.  One wrong move and you could beach yourself on the event horizon, two wrong moves and you could remove yourself from the universe all together.   It was worth the danger.  They only had one more haul to go before they could deliver to the processing vessel, 'The Weverland' that was waiting a few hours away.
    "Hurry up, slackers," yelled Wembly over the PA system, "the longer it takes, the lower the price."
    He smiled to himself.  It was a bold faced lie.  Still, it worked.  The greenhorn Wishmael had stopped making fish faces at the other deckhands at least.
    Reaching behind him, Wembly groped for the sandwich that his cook Wuffy had brought up to him a few moments earlier.  Coming up empty handed, he turned around.  The white porcelain plate sat empty, sans a few crumbs.  Wembly frowned.  Had he already eaten it?  He frowned, things like this kept happening on this trip,)
                                            Are you really using a sandwich as a plot device?
                                            (  things going missing and food not being were it's supposed to be.  Wembly just marked it down as space spaciness.
    "Wuffy," called the captian, "make me another sandwich would you!"
    He heard a muttered reply about sammiches and kitchens.  He was satisfied that his second lunch would arrive shortly.
   Well, maybe not that quickly, the crew had finished setting the last 4 drift nets before Wuffy shoved another sandwich under his nose.  Wembly squeaked out a quick thank you before turning back to the helm.  He cringed a little as he heard the impatient tapping of a foot.  Turning back around he looked at Wuffy.  She was a beautiful you woman with blonde fur and blue eyes.  Right now those eyes were glaring at him.
   "Yes," captain Wembly asked cautiously.
   "Keep you men out of my kitchen," she said threateningly, "I've been working on a stew all morning, then I pop out for a few minutes and when I came back half of it was gone.  Now I have to cook these ungrateful bastards something else.  If it happens again they can go hungry."
   "I will pass on the message."
    Stunning beauty aside, Wembly was a little scared of Wuffy.  He had turned her down for the coodk position the first time he had met her.  He was an old fashioned man of the opinion that women didn't belong on dirigibles.  As he was leaving the pub he had met her at, he was attacked by three underworlders from the planet Hades.  As luck would have it Wuffy had walked out the door right behind him.  She dealt with the three grimy scaly bastards with nothing but feet and fists.  Needless to say he reconsidered his opinion of women rahter quickly and Uffy had been keeeping him nervous and fed for the last three years.
   "You better," she grumbled and walked back down to the galley.
   Wembly reached for the mic, intending on giving his crew a rather scathing lecture, then hesitated.  His crew had been on crew constantly for the last twelve hours.  Whoever was knicking stew wasn't one of them, and it wasn't him.
   Wembly smiled, "we have a stowaway.  Oh, goody.")

Interlude

(Alright, are you ever going to get this story started?)
I just got it off the ground didn't I?
(That's not funny.)
Not even a little?
(No, not even a little.)
And I suppose you think you can do better.
(Absolutly.)
Well then, knock yourself out, the next chapter is all yours.
(That's probably for the best. Resistance is futile!)
...and you mock me...

Chapter 2

   Captain Wembly stood at the bow of the SFD Wingnut, surveying his domain, as his ragtag crew of misfits loaded barrels and pallets of supplies into the hold, while contemplating the strange and twisted path his life had taken to bring him to this point.
  Wemby had started off life as a cabin boy on his father's vessel.  In his teen years however, the Galactic Empire went to war with itself.  The Rebel Allaince
                                                                                                  (I hope you get  sued.)
                                                                                                  had been fighting for it's independence from an abusive theocratic regime.  Since he was on the wrong planet, at the wrong time, he got drafted into the rebel army. And since things aren't always sunshine and puppies, his side lost.  In order to avoid further persecution, and possibly prison camps, the ex-rebels ran to the edges of the universe to hide.  It was there, on a small colonial planet that Captian Wembly
                                                                                                                              (I see you finally
                                                                                                                               settled on a name.)
                                                                                                                               found the Wingnut wasting away in a junk yard.  It was love at first site.  Using the money that he had 'rescued' from a rebel base during one of the final battles with the Empire, he had bought the Wirefly class vessel and the rest, as they say, was history.
                                                    (That entire passage was straight-up plagerism, you're not even
                                                     trying are you?)
   The Wingnut turned out to be a very reliable vessel and was quite a bit faster the she appeared.  She once made the K
                          (NO!)
                           insey
                                  (That might be even worse.)
                                   run in a little over 2.5 seconds.
                                                                                     (You have no shame do you?)
   "Captian," said a large badger, breaking Wemby's
                                                                                  (I do not approve.)
                                                                                  momentary nostalgia, "supplies are loaded.  We are ready to depart as soon as you say the word."
   "Excellent, Bogart," exclaimed the captain the the rather haggard looking badger, " set the coordinates for The First Star on the Left and Straight on Til Morning.  I will be in my state room, alert me the moment we arrive."
   "Aye aye, sir," responded Bogart.
   Wembly walked across the bridge , as he closed the door to his suite he heard Bogart yell "engage!"  The Wingnut gently lifted of the ground and lifted towards the heavens.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Chapt...

Chapt
(Wait!)
What?
(You really can't keep carrying on this way.)
What way?
(Referencing pop culture every other sentence.)
Why not?
(You're not Joss Whedon.)
...

Chapter One

      Alright then: Our story begins
                                                      (Seriously, thats how you're starting out?)
                                                                                                                         Our story begins...actually how the fuck does our story begin?  Space-faring wombats?  What planet does that start off on?
                    (How about Gallifrey?)
                                                          I think that's a copyright infringement.
                                                         (How about Bob?  That's a nice neutral name.)
                                                          Sure...wait...Titan AE.  We'll go with Bertha, because who the
                                                          hell names anything Bertha?
                                                         (Your originality astounds me.)
                                                          Shut-up, this isn't Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

    Our story begins on the miserable, rainy, windy, grey and generally soggy port planet named Bertha.  Our gallant hero, Captain Wembly Wombat
                                                                                    (Oh, sweet jeebus)
                                                                                    had just disembarked from his faithful ship, the SFD Wingnut.
                      (That's space fishing dirigible for those of you who failed to read the introduction).
                        Captian Wemby
                                                  (Wembly)
                                                  was a stricking figure of a wombat, however several months of chasing space squid through the Crab nebula had given him a bit of a strained look around the eyes.  The never ending downpours on Bertha and his wet fur made him look like a drowned rat.
                                                                                                                                                 (...he's a giant rodent!  Your similies are bad and you should feel bad!).
Didn't I tell you to shut up earlier?  And he's a marsupial.
(By all means continue on).

    The honorable Captian Wemby
                                                     (Wembly.)
                                                      felt a little queezy, it had been months since his paws had felt dry
                                                                                                                                                      (soggy)
land.  He had been born on his father's space dirigible some thirty years prior, and while he had never experienced space sickness like many of his crew did, he did occasionally get land sick.  Like any good captain, the lack of solar waves beneathe his feet made him a bit uncomftorable, coupled with the thick smell of overly ripe space squid
                                                                  (Why squid?)
                                                                   Why not?
                                                                  (Why not space halibut?)
                                                                   That would be a little bit too autobiographical.
                                                                   (Whatever you say).
                                                                    Damn straight, and I say...
coupled with the thick smell of overly ripe space squid made his stomach clench in rather unpleasant ways.  This was of no consequence however.  This trip to shore was unfortunately necessary.    Wemby's
              (...ly's)
               greenhorn had jumped ship at the tropical port of
                                                                                              (Oh, here we go...)
                                                                                               Siren.  He couldn't blame the boy.  He had had similar aspirations the first time he saw the paradislistic
                                                                                               (That is not a word.)
                                                                                                planet.  What young man
                                                                                                                                         (Wombat.)
                                                                                                                                          That would make it woman and create even more problems.
(Valid point.)
                                                                                                                                             wouldn't jump at the chance to oogle at hundreds of scantly clad women
                                                                                                      (wowom...nevermind.)
                                                                                                       who would do absolutely anything for or too you with no more then a wink and a nod.  At least that was what it was like during Siren's summer season: nothing but beautiful, nearly naked, singing ladies.  Unfortuanatly, during the off-season those women turned into angry face-eating jaguars.  Literally.
    Fortunatly the first time Wemby
                                                      (ly.  Oh, fuck it.)
                                                       saw Siren, the first mate had duct-taped
                                                                                                                      (Space wombats with duct tape?)
                                                                                                                        him to the deck so the crew had an oppurtunity to explain to him the more 'listic' side of paradise.
                                                                                                                        (I hate you.)
                                                                                                                        Unfortunatly for the young deckhand, whose name Wembly
                                                   (Make up your mind.)
                                                    couldn't recall, had been off the dirigible and into the skilled hands of the Womrins before they had even dropped anchor.
    So here Wembly
                              (...)
                               was, in the odiferous backspace cesspool of womanity
                                                                                                                     (Really!?)
                                                                                                                      that was Bertha, looking for a man with a strong back to help him with the quickly approaching sterring
                                                                                                                        (That's space herring for
                                                                                                                          those of you who haven't
                                                                                                                          realized our author is an
                                                                                                                           idiot.)
                                                                                                                          season.
  Wembly walked down the Worf
                                                    (Bad pun, no cookie!)
                                                     to a rundown boarding house, where his friend Warren had set up an interview with a likely young man who wanted to try his hand at adventure.  As the captian entered the common room he took of his red coat, embroidered with red dragon
                                                                                                                  (That's a horrible reference,
                                                                                                                    what's next?  Hair-braid
                                                                                                                   pulling?)
                                                                                                                    and hung it up.  Scanning the room he spotted a rather evanescent looking wombat, huddled over a pint of ale, sitting in the corner.  The boy stood up as Wembly approached.
    "You the young joey Warren told me about," asked in his gruff yet oddly melodic voice.
    "Yes, sir," responded the boy, completely free of expression or emotion.
    "What's your name boy?"
    "Call me Wishmael."
                                      (You're joking, right?)
    "Alright Wishmael, we work long thankless hours and may or may not be rewarded for it.  If you're okay with that, then welcome aboard the Wingnut."
    Wishmael shook Wemby's
                                              (Oh for the love of all that is holy.)
                                               hand in agreement.  Wembly immediately realized that the joey had absolutely no thoughts or personality or his own, it was almost like he was just a puppet with someone else's voice. 'Perfect,' Wemby thought, 'we need more deckhands like that.'
    "Grab your things kid, we leave as soon as all our supplies are loaded."
   The boy almost spilled his drink in his rush to get out the door.
   Wembly smiled, today was turning out to be a good day.  Well, unless you were some poor bastard stuck on Siren. There, 'Winter is Coming.'

Introduction

  • Wombats in Space!
  • On a space fishing dirigible!
  • It's a murder mystery!
  • With Vampires!
  • And teen cross-species pregnancy!
       That's right, this will be the most pretentious, unreadable, genre crushing, literary abortion of a story you will ever set your hands on.  Although, it's still going to be a better love story then 'Twilight'.  And beware, non-exsistant audience, I'm going to talk right at you. This story will be so meta, that Melville will look subtle.  If you have any sense at all you will use this to wipe your ass with, because that's really all the worth this has...seriously...why are you still reading?  Fine, have it your way, but don't say I didn't warn you.